Grandmas and Gratitude

My grandma is the best and I am thankful for her.

Photo by alpay tonga on Unsplash

I turn 41 a little later this month, and birthdays, for me, often bring reflection. This year, I want to celebrate by reflecting on three interconnected influences that are resonating deeply with me: my lifelong pursuit of wisdom, my grandmother, and gratitude.

As a child, I longed for wisdom. Maybe that sounds odd, but I was drawn to people and professions that exuded it. I was curious: Why are things the way they are? Why do people do what they do? Why do certain things work while others don’t? The world was (and still is!) a confusing place, and I felt that wisdom would help me recognize patterns and create a sense of stability. The people who seemed to have all the answers—those who could remain calm throughout a storm or while making cookies with small children in tow—were the wise ones. In particular, two figures stood out to me: my grandmother and Indiana Jones.

Looking back, I can trace my entire life path to two pivotal events that occurred when I was five: the release of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and my grandmother’s explanation of why she had so many wrinkles.

The first time I watched Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, I decided that the best job in the world was clearly that of a professor. A little adventure, a little mystery, and all you needed was some smarts, a few friends, and a lot of creativity. At five years old, that was enough to convince me that the professor’s life was the life for me. But as I got older, I realized it wasn’t just the excitement of adventure or the quest for knowledge that drew me in—it was the way Indiana Jones used his intelligence to navigate the world. He wasn’t just a hero; he was a thinker and a problem solver. He approached life by embodying a deeper wisdom that unlocked the secrets of human behavior and history, revealing profound insights in service to humanity.

Around the same time, I asked my grandmother why she had so many wrinkles. My grandmother answered my question without hesitation, explaining that every time someone learned something, they’d get a new wrinkle in their brain. She had learned so much that the wrinkles had started appearing on her skin. In my mind, her wrinkles represented the physical manifestation of her wisdom. Like Indiana Jones, she knew about people and their behavior. She knew about plants and animals, about the world, and why things were the way they were. And she used all of that knowledge to make our time together, even the hard times, rewarding and calming. And so I figured: wrinkles and a PhD—how hard could it be? My life path was set.

While I never met Indiana Jones, I have spent a lot of time with my grandmother. It isn’t just her wrinkles and knowledge that make her fascinating, beautiful, and revered. It is the way she shares what she knows using gratitude.

My grandmother is the vital force in our family. She has worn Birkenstocks since before they were cool. She lights matches on the zipper of her jeans and puts them out with her fingers. She is brave, funny, and has a Noah-like ability with animals. No matter how much your pet adores you, if my grandmother is in the room, they will leave you to sit at her feet. More than a green thumb, she has green hands and arms; plants and children grow with ease when she is around. She is gentle strength. She is love and patience beyond measure. She is an artist in the Renaissance sense: painting, sculpting, sewing, building, crafting—there’s nothing that can be done by hand that is beyond her ability.

As an adult, I value her wrinkled, wisdom-filled hands in other ways. Those hands protect my children. She has held each one of them and prayed over them; I believe these quiet rituals of love and strength have imbued my children with a lifelong blessing. Her handmade quilts cover every bed in my home. Her art is scattered throughout my house, keeping pieces of her creativity close—daily reminders of her love. I have no doubt that when she reaches heaven, she will hold painting classes, with angels sitting at her feet, learning to paint roses and hearing stories about the love between grandchildren and grandparents. My grandmother is a perfect person, and I am grateful for her in every way.

Looking back, I realize that both my grandmother and Indiana Jones taught me the same lesson in different ways: wisdom is a way of navigating the world. But wisdom isn’t just about knowledge—it’s about what we choose to do with it and how we share it with others. The piece of my grandmother’s wisdom I most want to master this year? Sharing my gratitude out loud.

Learning Gratitude from a Matriarch

Gratitude is more than a feeling—it’s a practice, a way of interacting with the world. My grandmother didn’t just feel grateful, she lived gratitude through her daily actions. She found it in the small joys of daily life: making time for fun, cooking, creating, teaching us to read. For her, gratitude wasn’t an outcome; it was a way of being. She taught me that gratitude isn’t just an internal experience—it’s a way of engaging with others, woven together through presence, attention, and care.

Gratitude isn’t just something we feel—it’s also something we share with others. Being with someone like my grandmother made it clear that gratitude isn’t about the task at hand but about the togetherness within it. It’s about celebrating how we collaborate, connect, and support each other. The fact that we worked together, did something together, and now have something special to share together—this togetherness is where the gratitude stems from.

The more I came to understand and learn about gratitude, the more I realized that my grandmother had always understood and embodied its deepest truths.

The Origin and Science of Gratitude

The word gratitude comes from the Latin gratus, meaning "thankful" or "pleasing." Its etymology reflects the deeply embedded nature of gratitude in human societies. Evolutionary theories (or, as my grandmother would say, God’s design) suggest that gratitude developed as a survival mechanism—an adaptation to promote reciprocal altruism among individuals, strengthening social bonds, trust, and mutual support.

Gratitude is relational by nature. As my grandmother has taught me, we don’t just feel grateful in isolation; gratitude deepens when it’s shared.

Consider some of the common ways people often experience gratitude (Harvard Health Publishing 2021):

• Acts of Kindness: Receiving help, support, or generosity from others frequently elicits feelings of gratitude.

• Personal Reflection: Gratitude journaling is often thought of as a solo activity, but reflecting on what we are thankful for is a form of dialogue with ourselves—so, in a way, it’s still relational.

• Mindfulness and Meditation: Participating in mindfulness exercises or meditation can enhance awareness of life’s positive aspects, creating gratitude that extends beyond ourselves to the world around us.

• Religious or Spiritual Practices: Many traditions foster gratitude through prayers, rituals, and communal gatherings, reinforcing the idea that gratitude is deeply social.

By engaging in these activities, people can expand their ability to feel and express gratitude, which, in turn, enhances well-being, strengthens relationships, and even improves physical health (Mullins and Raphelson 2024; Sansone and Sansone 2010). Research shows that gratitude can boost mood, increase life satisfaction, reduce anxiety and stress, and improve sleep quality. In short, gratitude not only lowers the bad stuff but also increases the good stuff—an extremely powerful combination (UCLA Health 2023).

Gratitude and Money: Gratitude as a Financial Mindset

From a financial perspective, gratitude may help reduce stress around money by shifting our focus from financial shortcomings (a scarcity mindset) to financial strengths (an abundance mindset). A person might not have enough money to meet every need (shortcoming), but gratitude allows them to recognize the support systems available to them—whether it’s a trusted friend, an advisor, or a community that offers additional ideas, new perspectives, and guidance that bring new opportunities and an extra set of shoulders to help them carry the task (strength). By seeing financial challenges through the lens of gratitude, individuals may find a greater sense of control and resilience rather than feeling overwhelmed and isolated. This shift not only counters the anxiety of scarcity but also nurtures an abundance mindset—one that reframes challenges as opportunities to use available resources. Our relationships are our resources, and gratitude is the strengthening agent.

Gratitude also encourages better financial habits and decision-making by promoting a healthier relationship with money and reinforcing the interconnectedness of financial well-being and relationships. When people approach money with gratitude, they are more likely to share resources, seek and offer support, and make thoughtful financial choices, all of which can lead to better outcomes. In addition, when gratitude reshapes our relationship with money, it curbs impulsive decisions—helping us avoid rash spending driven by fear or anxiety and instead opt for strategies that support long-term financial well-being.

• Scarcity vs. Abundance Mindset: A scarcity mindset fixates on what is lacking, often leading to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. In contrast, an abundance mindset—fueled by gratitude—helps us focus on resources we already have, fostering contentment, optimism, and financial confidence (Greater Nevada Credit Union 2024; Edwards 2024).

My grandmother embodies this abundance mindset. She grew up very poor financially, but she was far from poor in spirit. Her mother taught her to respect herself and always do her best, and I think this is where her artistic and gardening skills come from. She may not have had much, but she could create beauty from almost anything. She was proud of that work, and she was proud of how her family united to support each other, filling her home with the rich, shared abundance of gratitude.

• Reduced Impulsivity: People who practice gratitude tend to be less impulsive and more future-oriented in their financial decisions. Instead of seeking instant gratification, they are more likely to make deliberate, thoughtful financial decisions and engage in long-term planning.

My grandmother is anything but impulsive. Patient and extremely thoughtful, she has consistently worked very hard. She finds gratification in the flow of whatever she does—whether reading the Bible, gardening, creating art, or playing with her growing group of 25 (and counting!) grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She makes long-term plans—and sticks to them—because she rarely gets caught up in chaos and stress. My grandmother believes she has everything she needs in every moment, confident that whatever she asks for will have all 25 of us vying to be the one to bring it to her in exchange for a warm, loving grandma hug!

Gratitude acts as a stabilizing force in hard times and a powerful amplifier of joy in the good times. We’ve all experienced moments of gratitude—whether for relationships, opportunities, or moments of financial security. Yet, like most aspects of being human, gratitude takes effort. Not everyone can summon it with the ease of my grandmother. Even though many of us understand gratitude intellectually, we don’t always express it as often as we can. Too often, we remain silent without gratitude, struggling to recognize its role as a shared experience rather than just an internal feeling.

Lonely Gratitude: Why Gratitude Feels Hard to Share

A few months ago, I made a social media post about financial gratitude and encouraged people to share their thoughts. No one responded publicly, but several people sent private messages, suggesting that people wanted to share—just not openly. Some were nervous about being judged, while others weren’t sure how to express their gratitude; they felt thankful for their financial situation but didn’t want to sound conceited or boastful.

These responses fascinated me and made me wonder: Would the person who feared judgment have felt differently if they had acknowledged the people who supported them? Would the one who worried about sounding boastful have felt more comfortable framing their gratitude as something shared—with the help of their friends—rather than entirely personal?

I have no data to support this, but it seems that when gratitude is expressed without acknowledging its relational aspect, we fear being judged negatively.

Compare these two statements:

• “I did this, and I feel good about it.”

• “I talked to my friends and my advisor, and with their support, I made this decision—one I feel really good about.”

Reflecting on these statements, what comes up? Does the second statement feel safer? Would you be more or less likely to question the first one—to poke holes in it or challenge the action—compared to the second?

When we frame gratitude as something shared, it feels less exposed, less like an open target for criticism. My grandmother understood this instinctively. She would be much more likely to say something like the second statement, acknowledging how decision-making is strengthened by togetherness.

So if gratitude has the power to connect us, why does the way we frame it—as “we” versus “I”— shape whether we feel connected or alone?

Vulnerability and Gratitude: Why We Hold Back

Research suggests that expressing gratitude, especially in the workplace, often requires acknowledging our dependence on others, which can make us feel vulnerable. This admission of needing support or benefiting from someone else's actions can feel uncomfortable, especially in cultures that value self-reliance and independence. In these environments, gratitude may even be seen as a sign of weakness, rather than strength, leading individuals to withhold any expression of gratitude (Beheshti 2018).

My grandmother sees gratitude as a sign of togetherness. But in many modern cultures, we’re often taught something different. Why do we feel the need to do hard things alone when we could do them together?

Could my grandmother have told stories of her childhood or even her early married life with five kids by saying, “I did this” or “I did that”? Certainly. But she never does. When my grandmother tells stories, she only ever uses the collective “we.” She was never worried about people thinking she was less capable. If anything, she sees collective wins as strength in numbers. Why struggle through something alone when you could accomplish just as much—if not more—together, with greater ease and connection?

How Gratitude Relates to Money

People struggle to express financial gratitude, whether to family, partners, or even financial advisors. We don’t always know how to say, “We have enough, we worked hard to get here,” or “I’ve done well financially, and I’m grateful for where I am now,” without fearing judgment. In the financial psychology classes I teach at the university level, we discuss this very topic. I often present a statement like, “I have enough” and ask students to reflect: What kind of person do you think I am if I say this? The discussions are always fascinating. Some think I sound boastful. Others hear laziness. And a few simply recognize contentment.

We are generally socialized to believe that more is always better. Our brains are also wired to crave “just a little more” and conditioned to see achievements as less valuable if we don’t reach them entirely on our own.

Yet, we are also wired for connection. Notice the difference between:

• “We have enough. We worked so hard to get here.”

• “We have enough—and thank you to everyone who has helped us.”

While both versions express gratitude, the second one acknowledges the support of others and carries a different tone—one of connection rather than boastful self-congratulation.

When we withhold gratitude, we miss opportunities for connection, support, and understanding. We lose out on shared experiences that allow gratitude to grow. But when we openly express gratitude, it reinforces trust, strengthens relationships, and shifts our perspective from scarcity to abundance. Togetherness makes our reasons for what we do stronger, bigger, and more meaningful. I didn’t just do something alone—I worked with others. They asked questions, offered insights, and thought through this decision with me. And from that collective understanding, problem-solving, and support, this is the decision we arrived at—one I hold deep gratitude for.

My grandmother has always done this so effortlessly. In today’s world, it takes more intention. But it’s worth the effort.

If gratitude shapes how we connect with people, can it also change the way we engage with money? Can it make financial conversations more meaningful, less transactional—maybe even less lonely? If so, how do we bring gratitude into these discussions in a way that feels natural and meaningful?

Financial Gratitude: How We Make Money Less Lonely

Gratitude has been shown to significantly reduce loneliness. A meta-analysis of 26 studies found a strong correlation between gratitude and increased social connectedness (Hittner and Windholm 2024; Newman 2024). When we express gratitude, we don’t just acknowledge what we have—we also recognize and appreciate those who have helped us along the way, fostering a greater sense of belonging and reinforcing the bonds that make us feel supported.

Yet, money is one of the loneliest topics in modern life. Financial decisions can feel isolating; many hesitate to talk not only about their financial wins, afraid of sounding boastful, but also about their struggles, afraid of seeming irresponsible.

Can we use gratitude to help money conversations feel less lonely? If so, how do we introduce gratitude discussions into professional financial relationships in a meaningful way? While it may not be difficult to convince advisors and clients that gratitude is important, incorporating it into financial conversations can be challenging.

One way to start is by shifting the tone of financial meetings—making space for gratitude in a way that feels natural. Some advisors have found that weaving gratitude into their conversations helps clients engage with their financial decisions on a deeper level.

Opening a Meeting: Setting the Tone with Gratitude

Helping clients shift their focus from stress to appreciation at the start of the meeting can help set a positive tone and improve engagement (Taylor and Marienau 2016).

• “Before we begin, I want to take a moment to invite gratitude into this conversation. Would you be open to that?”

  • This primes the meeting with a mindset of appreciation and reflection.

• “Tell me what you had to do in order to be here today, and who supported you in making this meeting possible.”

  • Acknowledging effort and support shifts the brain from stress to curiosity, which enhances learning and engagement.

Encouraging a New Perspective

Many clients often associate financial planning with anxiety and uncertainty. Shifting the focus to gratitude can reframe the conversation as an opportunity to explore abundance, progress, and shared successes.

• “Would you be willing to review this financial decision through a lens of gratitude?”

  • Many clients don’t initially understand what this means, which is what makes it so powerful. It encourages them to see financial choices in a more positive, relational, and values-driven way.

• Examples of gratitude-focused financial planning:

  • Spending on things that align with our personal values.

  • Investing in experiences that enrich our lives and strengthen our relationships.

  • Recognizing and honoring financial wisdom passed down through generations.

Closing a Meeting: Ending with Connection

Ending meetings with a moment of gratitude can reinforce trust and help clients leave feeling more confident and in control of their financial decisions.

• “What was the most valuable part of today’s conversation for you?”

  • This reinforces key takeaways and helps clients feel a greater sense of ownership over their financial choices.

• “Is there anyone you’d like to express financial gratitude to based on what we discussed today?”

  • Encouraging clients to verbalize gratitude strengthens relationships and supports a healthier financial mindset.

Advisor Practices for Expressing Gratitude

Financial advisors can cultivate gratitude not just for clients, but with them:

Practicing gratitude for the trust clients place in them.

• Helping families discuss gratitude and money together to create a stronger emotional connection to financial decisions.

• Hosting a client appreciation event focused on gratitude and its role in financial well-being.

  • This one-to-many approach can encourage both clients and advisors to have more open conversations about financial gratitude.

Gratitude isn’t just about feeling good—it’s about changing how we experience financial decisions and the relationships that shape them. It helps us see our financial journey not as something we must navigate alone, but as a shared experience built on support, wisdom, and trust.

Like any skill, gratitude takes practice. But once we become fluent in it, it transforms how we engage with money, deepen relationships, and move through life. And often, the greatest teachers of gratitude are the ones who have quietly lived it every day.

For me, that teacher has always been my grandmother.

Closing: A Love Letter to My Grandmother

Grandma, I love you. I am so grateful not just for what you have taught me, but for how you have shown me to live—with gratitude, wisdom, and love. I am endlessly thankful for your kindness, your creativity, and your unwavering presence.

I think about you every day and strive to embody what you have given me: love, togetherness, patience, care, teaching, and creativity. I see you in every part of who I am—and, more importantly, in every part of who I hope to become.

And so, I leave you with this:

• Who has shaped your financial values?

• How can you express your gratitude to them?

References/Resources for the Nerds

Beheshti, Naz. “Benefits of a Year-Round Attitude of Gratitude in the Workplace.” Forbes, November 20, 2018. https://www.forbes.com/sites/nazbeheshti/2018/11/20/benefits-of-a-year-round-attitude-of-gratitude-in-the-workplace.

Edwards, Dana. “Financial Gratitude: How a Positive Money Mindset Can Impact Your Wealth.” Upbeat Financial Blog, December 6, 2024. https://www.upbeatfinancial.com/blog/viewBlog/1043.

Greater Nevada Credit Union. “Practicing Gratitude to Improve Financial Wellness.” November 21, 2024. https://www.gncu.org/blog/practicing-gratitude-to-improve-financial-wellness.

Harvard Health Publishing. “Giving Thanks Can Make You Happier.” Harvard Medical School. August 14, 2021. https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier.

Hittner, James B. and Clavin D. Widholm. 2024. “Meta-Analysis of the Association Between Gratitude and Loneliness.” Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being 16 (4):2520-2535. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38741417.

Mullins, Lisa and Samantha Raphelson. “The Power of Gratitude in Improving Mental Health.” WBUR Here & Now. December 12, 2024. https://www.wbur.org/hereandnow/2024/12/12/gratitude-mental-health.

Newman, Kira M. “Can We Ease Loneliness with a Little Gratitude?” Greater Good Magazine, Berkeley Greater Good Science Center. November 19, 2024. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/can_we_ease_loneliness_with_a_little_gratitude.

Sansone, Randy A. and Lori A. Sansone, 2010. “ Gratitude and Well-Being: The Benefits of Appreciation.” Psychiatry 7(11)18-22. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3010965.

Taylor, Kathleen and Catherine Marienau. 2016. Facilitating Learning with the Adult Brain in Mind. Jossey-Bass. pp. 4–7.

UCLA Health. “Health Benefits of Gratitude.” UCLA Health News, March 22, 2023. https://www.uclahealth.org/news/article/health-benefits-gratitude.